i’m sick of hearing people say “sorry i startled you”
As much as my family, my friends, and people who know me try to be supportive and empathetic about how fucking hard CP can be sometimes, none of them truly understand. I just feel like this freak sometimes. How someone making the smallest sound in class can send me jumping out of my chair, my heart racing, everyone laughing and thinking I’m laughing with them when really I just want to catch my breath, curl up in a corner, and never be startled ever again. How I’ll never be able to wear high heels, and at prom and homecoming I’m always that odd girl out in flats. How when I walk around barefoot too much, I get painful red sores on the balls of my feet and now I have to have more surgery next year for it. How every single time I meet someone new, I know there will be that inevitable moment of, “what happened to your foot?” and then I’ll have to deal with that painfully awkward conversation explaining my issues, and sometimes the whole dynamic of the relationship changes once they know. It’s that same question, “are you okay? are you injured?” that gives me ridiculous amounts of anxiety when meeting people. I can’t just be Daisy. I’m Daisy, the disabled girl who can’t play sports. I’m embarrassed to work out, or run in front of anyone because I look freakish enough when I walk. All I want is to meet other teenagers with CP. and not just talk online, but actually meet. I’m not normal, and no matter what anyone says nothing will change that. I have much bigger issues than vain high school drama and parents who won’t let me go to a party. And no one, not even my family, gets it even if they try, so I just feel really alone. I can’t handle this disease or condition or whatever the fuck it is anymore, and I need real support from someone who actually gets it.
whenever i see someone in public who i can tell has cerebral palsy too i just want to run up to them and be like HIIII.
sometimes i have day dreams about someone inventing some crazy unbelievable surgery where they could just fix my brain up and i could just be normal